Your dog approaches with a rope toy. You grab one end, they grab the other, and suddenly you're both deeply invested in a contest that neither of you remembers starting.
Then your dog pulls hard, walks away victorious, and gives you a look that seems suspiciously proud. Should you have let them win?
For years, dog parents have been told that winning tug-of-war makes a dog bossy, dominant, or harder to train. The research doesn't support that simple story. And the things that do matter are surprisingly easy to work into your next game.
THE SURPRISING PART
The biggest mistake in tug-of-war might not be letting your dog win. It's focusing on winning in the first place.
The myth
The "never let your dog win" rule doesn't hold up
In a 2002 experiment with 14 Golden Retrievers, researchers Nicola Rooney and John Bradshaw found that repeatedly winning or losing tug-of-war did not change the dominance-related behavior they measured. The dogs also became more attentive after playing, whichever side won.
A separate study of 50 dog-owner pairs examining different forms of play likewise found no consistent relationship between winning or losing games and the behavioral measures assessed. The evidence is limited, but it does not support the old rule that you must win to maintain your dog's respect.
So if your dog marches off carrying the rope like a trophy, there's no need to take it personally. If they bring it right back, they may be telling you exactly what they enjoyed: playing with you.
The playbook
A better tug game, in five moves
You don't need a complicated set of rules. For a dog who enjoys tug and can play comfortably, start here.
01
Choose the right toy.
Use a sturdy, appropriately sized tug toy with room for your hand well away from your dog's mouth. Check for fraying or loose pieces.
02
Invite them to take it.
Present the toy and use a cue such as "take it." Let your dog engage willingly rather than pushing the toy into their face.
03
Keep the movement low and smooth.
Maintain gentle, mostly horizontal resistance. Avoid yanking upward, twisting their neck, or lifting their paws off the ground.
04
Pause and practice a release.
After a short round (try about 10–15 seconds to start), stop moving the toy and ask for a trained "drop it." Reward the release with a treat, another toy, or a new round of play.
05
Let them win sometimes.
Release your end and let your dog enjoy their prize. If they return to restart the game, great. If not, let the session end.
The skill worth teaching
How to teach "drop it" without a tugging match
The most useful part of tug may be the opportunity to practice letting go. A reliable release cue also comes in handy when your dog picks up something you'd rather they didn't.
If your dog doesn't know the cue yet, teach it outside a high-energy game first. The American Kennel Club recommends using a positive trade rather than prying an object from a dog's mouth.
If your dog won't release the toy: Don't repeat the cue louder or try to wrestle it away. Return to an easier exchange with a more appealing reward. Some dogs need to learn this skill separately before using it in tug.
Read the whole dog
What about the growling?
A dramatic growl during tug can sound fierce, even when a dog is enjoying themselves. But not every growl is playful. The sound alone cannot tell you how your dog feels.
Look at the whole picture. Does your dog approach willingly, move loosely, and choose to return after a pause? Those are reassuring clues, not guarantees. Stiffness, freezing, attempts to leave, or tension around the toy mean it's time to stop.
Pause the game if you notice:
• Stiffness, freezing, or guarding the toy.
• Repeated teeth-on-skin contact.
• Yelping, limping, or signs of pain.
• A dog who tries to move away or stop playing.
If your dog has a history of resource guarding, snapping, or aggression around toys, don't use tug to test the problem. Ask your veterinarian or a qualified, reward-based behavior professional for individualized advice.
Fit the game to the dog
Not every dog should play the same way
An enthusiastic young adult dog with no physical problems may enjoy a different game from a tiny puppy, an older dog with arthritis, or a dog recovering from an injury. For puppies and seniors, keep resistance particularly light; dogs with mouth, neck, back, or joint pain may need a different activity or veterinary advice first.
Also, there's no rule that a dog has to love tug. A sniff walk, treat-search game, or gentle retrieve might be a much better match. The point is shared enjoyment, not completing a training checklist.
Worth remembering
Three easy-to-miss tug mistakes
1. Playing on a slippery floor.
Choose a rug or another surface where your dog can keep their footing instead of skidding while pulling.
2. Turning a slip into a chase.
If your dog takes the toy and walks away, don't pursue them to reclaim your "win." Invite them back or let the game finish.
3. Letting children improvise.
Young children should not play tug with dogs. For older children, an adult should assess the dog's behavior, supervise closely, and make sure the child can follow clear rules. Sudden movements and accidental bites can make the game unsafe.
Next time your dog drops a rope toy at your feet, forget the scoreboard. Offer a good grip, keep the game comfortable, and notice whether they're still having fun.
The best game isn't the one where you win.
It's the one your dog wants to play again.
Sources & further reading
Rooney & Bradshaw (2002): An experimental study of the effects of play upon the dog-human relationship
Rooney & Bradshaw (2003): Links between play and dominance and attachment dimensions of dog-human relationships
American Kennel Club: Tug-of-War Safety and Benefits
American Kennel Club: How to Teach Your Dog to Drop It
This article is for general educational purposes. If your dog shows pain, guarding, fear, or aggression during play, consult your veterinarian or a qualified behavior professional before continuing.
